Everyone Needs Help

August 28, 2018

Kellen’s and my work is all about pain: you can’t focus on healing unless you are willing to wallow through the pain, the discomfort, and the confusion. As Chani Nicholas wisely says, “Within our pain lives a great and abiding wisdom.” One way that we love to access that wisdom for ourselves and with others is through tapping.

I love tapping coaching sessions because it is such an effective technique for transforming difficult emotions and for understanding ourselves and our experience. I love when folks tell me, after just one session, that they tried it alone and found relief. On my own, I rely on tapping regularly to work out uncomfortable emotions. I love to use it a day or two after a troubling encounter: I let the feelings percolate a bit, and then I go back and find out what is left, what really bugged me about said encounter. I generally find that with 30-45 minutes of tapping, I can gain some solid insight and feel relief from the anger, embarrassment, disappointment, or whatever emotion was hanging out in my system.

Of course, the big ticket items in tapping are the older events that have left tough emotions stuck in the body. Because I feel confident in my skills, I often tackle these on my own, too, to much relief. Recently, though, I was working with a colleague and I brought up an issue I have been working on for months by myself. Having worked on it so much already, I had a good understanding of what had hurt me in this particular encounter and (this is key) of what past hurts it linked together in my psyche. I felt curious what might happen in tapping with help instead of alone.

In under thirty minutes, my colleague and I uncovered a component of the hurt that linked to an incident when I was seven. While our work together didn’t eradicate the hurt, the light we were able to shine on this particular childhood hurt let me see what was going on more clearly. The work I’ve done alone since my session with my colleague has been significantly more effective (aka relieving) than before.

uni office

Getting help allowed me to find healing where I didn’t know I needed it. I can’t say what made the difference: whether it was the fresh eyes, or the timing, or my colleague’s particular brilliance, or the vulnerability I had to open up to work on this with someone new; I imagine it was a combination of all of the above. Beyond the insight and relief that session provided me, I gained refreshed confidence in the value of trusting another human to help me.

This week, take steps toward asking for help. You could make a list of folks who already help you or a list of folks who you think you could trust to be helpful. You could take note daily (I sure do love lists…) of moments or events where you could have used some help. You could make an appointment for a massage or for tea with a friend. Whatever steps you take, commend yourself for opening to healing and connection.

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