October 9, 2018
I’ve been feeling pretty raw lately. I feel disappointed, angry, scared, and abandoned. I feel like shouting, demanding retribution, and placing blame. I feel like breaking things and crying. The first version of this blog actually ended up on Medium, instead, because Kellen and I wanted more gentleness here.
This week, while another hurricane rages, and earthquake recovery continues, and children sleep in detention centers, and survivors face their memories and their assailants, and families wonder how to make rent payments, I will hold space for the whole truth of our human experience.
I want to offer a meditation I use to remind myself to try to hold it all: though there is agony and corruption, I don’t want to lose sight of the sweetness and wisdom. If you don’t have a meditation practice and you want to try:
- Find yourself a quiet place and set a timer for three minutes
- Read the meditation
- Close your eyes (or stare at the ceiling or floor) and pay attention to your thoughts. You can ask yourself, “What do those words bring up for me?”
Sometimes, I imagine my spirit as a tai ji: the symbol of balance and oneness. The white side is all the agony, the dishonesty, the harm, the fear, and the distrust. In there is a black dot: a reminder of the other side.
The black side is the sweetness, the joy, the connections, the laughter, the understanding, the curiosity. In there is a small white dot, because even in the sweetest moments, parts of us are trembling.
My responsibility is to see both sides, and to remember that one does not cancel out the other.
I know the agony. I know the rejoicing. I know the lying. I know the truth telling. I know the loneliness. I know the community. I know the blame. I know the forgiveness. I know the fear. I know the courage. I know the harshness. I know the gentleness.
I know the agony. I know the rejoicing. I know the lying. I know the truth telling. I know the loneliness. I know the community. I know the blame. I know the forgiveness. I know the fear. I know the courage. I know the harshness. I know the gentleness.
This week, use this meditation to witness the harshness and the gentleness in your life. How does it feel to hold all the truths of your experience? What resources help you to make space for it all?